I always love watching General Conference but this year for some
reason I LOVED it! It seems like most of the talks given jumped out at
me in some way or another and so many of them were just what I needed
to hear. I found myself teary-eyed through most of it. I decided this year to
take notes while watching, maybe that is why I got so much more out of it.
I don't know. But when President Monson mentioned that he was going to
go home and write in his journal about how inspired HE was at the
conclusion of this conference, I realized that it was an extraordinary one.
The world is such a difficult place to live in at this time. There is so much
going on. Its a hard place for kids especially. Greg and I have had a very
difficult time with several of our children and to be honest, at times, we have
both suffered from some pretty severe depression. When you feel like you have
done the best that you could and taught them the gospel, been good examples
to them, etc. etc. etc but they have still chosen a different path than you would have
hoped, its hard not to ask yourself "what could we have done differently?" "What
did we do wrong?" "Why do we have to go through this, AGAIN?" Being a
parent is the hardest thing I have ever done, but would I do it again? Yes. I would.
And would I hope that the children who chose us to be their parents would choose us
had they had a different choice? Yes, I would hope they would. I love my kids. More
than life itself. Is my heart breaking? Yes, it is. They are great kids with great potential.
President Eyring gave a talk Sunday morning where he talked about a lady who was
visiting a child who had been rebellious and she was questioning why he had chosen to
rebel. She received the answer that she was loved and that he was hers because she
could show him unconditional love. So, that gave me a little comfort. I have always
shown my children unconditional love and they know that I love them and always will.
We all have our free agency (which I have always had a hard time with) and I hope
that one day they will choose to let their Heavenly Father into their lives and live the gospel
because it has always been such a blessing in my life and brings me such peace. I'm
grateful that we are sealed together for eternity and I pray that one day they will understand
how important that is and what a blessing it is. And I'm so
grateful for the opportunity to listen to conference. I plan to read every talk again!
And I will try really hard to not be so hard on myself. Even though its VERY hard!
